Lessons I learn

One of the greatest gifts that God can give us is Grace, or, I see it that way.  This is the best definition of the word as I have ever seen:

Fredrerick Buechner wrote:
 
 After centuries of handling and mishandling —-  most religious words have become so shopworn nobody is much interested any more.  Not so with grace, for some reason.  Mysteriously, even derivatives like gracious and graceful still have some of the bloom left.
 
Grace is something you can never get but only be given.  There?s no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about —  any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks or bring about your own birth.
 
A good sleep is grace and so are good dreams.  Most tears are grace.  The smell of rain is grace.  Somebody loving you is grace.  Loving somebody is grace.  Have you ever tried to love somebody?
 
A crucial eccentricity of the Christian faith is the assertion that people are saved by grace. 
 
There’s nothing you have to do.  
 
There’s nothing you have to do.   
 
There’s nothing you have to do.
 
The grace of God means something like:  Here is your life.   You might never have been —- but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.     Here is the world.     Beautiful and terrible things will happen.    Don’t have to be afraid.    I am with you.    Nothing can ever separate us.     It’s for you I created the universe.   I love you.
 
****   There’s only one catch.   Like any other gift ——  the gift of grace can be yours only if you will reach out and take it.
 
Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too.

A look for me at the real world.

I wrote this just as I was coming to terms that my life might always be one of severe pain, that the cancer may or may not go away, and, that the treatments would be very harsh.   But, the pain was beyond what any mind could imagine.  I felt I had to confront my Higher Spirit, whose name I used to call God - they are pretty much the same, but Higher Spirit has more of a definition within it, which helps me function.

Rage

God: Rage, what is it?
Me: It is fucking powerful.

God: What is it made from?

Me: Fucking fear - more than we should ever experience.
God: What else?

Me: knowing we are not in control.

God: Is there more?

Me: Don’t you know, didn’t you give this to me? Are you my God? Why would you ask? You did this, didn’t you?

God: What do you think?

Me:I am too tired to think. You win, you wore me down!

God: Were we in a war?

Me: You know what I mean.

God: No, tell me.

Me: You set this up, this whole thing is a set up, a test - to prove if my love for you can last through what this week has been like.

God: Do you really believe that - stop! Think first.

Me: No, I don’t.

God: What do you think?

Me: Bad things happen and what we do with them is what counts.

God: Sounds good, but those are just words, you don’t feel like words today do you?

Me: I am angry at you, mad, very mad. I am scared - maybe confused is a better word.

God: Maybe prayer will tell you which word to use, possible?

Me: So you have someone on their knees begging for help?

God: Come on, not again, do you believe that? Really?

Me: No, you love me, I don’t believe that.

God: Child, tell me, tell me and your daemon, what is really going on - but first know that my love can’t be measured and it can’t be stripped from you. It protects you, your soul, ego and daemon all of the time - no matter what. Child, know that and know it even more.

Me: I am confused, like I said. So many doctors, so many wonderful people trying to help, but things are tumbling out of control. STOP, don’t say it, God. I never had control, I know. So, I am confused by a bunch of doctors and I have to make choices and these are choices that truly know one ever had to make before. The wrong one and this cancer may kill me faster or the pain will get worse.

God: Excuse me, okay?

Me: Sure.

God: We all have to make tough decisions, all of my children do. In your case there is no right or wrong one for that would mean there was a game or a war going on. No matter the choice you get to decide first, the choice; second, what to do with it once it’s made. Sounds like there is some control there. Or do I hear that you want to know the end result of each choice so you make the right one.

Me: YES, YES, that’s it.

God: Stephen, Stephen, the end result is the same. You are still you. You still choose how to behave and live your life. You rest with me as we begin that part of your life - no matter what choice you make now.

Me: I get it. But, God and my Daemon, I am so tired. I don’t know if I can make a choice.

God: Do you need to make it tonight?

Me: No.

Daemon: Let’s go to bed, Stephen. Tomorrow will bring us new ideas and I promise it will be different from today.

Me: Okay, good night, God.

God: Sleep well and remember, I am part of you, of everyone, so I am not going anywhere tonight, I will be with you.



As I mentioned in my last post, of some time ago, I am sorry, but not surprised that when given a referendem the concep of gay marraige loses.  And, if all civil liberties were held the same way, women would not vote, and my African American brother would not vote, let alone be my President.  Of that last item, I am so blessed to have seen in my lifetime.

But to this marriage mess.  It truly does fall under business law.  So, it seems my idea, which others have certainly thought and expressed more fluently than I.  To me, it is simple and hurts no one.  We either have a federal law or amendment, which as of a given date, with all those in what is called a marriage grand fathered in, which calls for any two, of age, adults who want to spend their lives together, have what can be called a civil union.  It would hold all of the same rights as does what we now call marriage, which is a religious pact.  After, before, or never, the couple could then hold a spiritual ceremony, usually called marriage.  No one’s faith is trampled on, no one should think that marriage is in trouble, lest they feel their church is in trouble.

Ahh, it sounds so simple.  But, the world is full of those who don’t want to learn or ask questions.  The world is too full of people who want to blame others for their troubles.  That is almost natural, but it shouldn’t be.  If true faith is alive within one, then blaming others tarnishes our soul, for we don’t speak the truth.  If our goal is to spread fear by blaming some group, we lose on many counts.  The biggest is the chance those we call our forefathers took when writing the Constitution and so many great documents.  Have faith in them, those we have trusted for so long.  Have faith in this experiment of theirs.  Have faith in yourself to trust others and to know what you own and leave it at that.

Well, the people of Maine have spoken and the law allowing same sex marriages was tossed out.  There is a kind of bright spot, the constitution of Maine doesn’t permit human rights issues to go to referendum, for if it did, we would still be very much segragated.  The hope is that the Supreme Court of Maine will see this and knock the referendum question as unconstitutional.  They could then pass an ammendment, but that may be tougher. 

They did relax, way more than California has, the use of medical marijuana, they are setting up State owned marijuana pharmacies
and they have added to the list of what it can be used for, also passing what California has done. 

But they won’t let two people in love get married.      


There is a very grass roots (is that one word?) movement, growing fast and nationally, that would propose an amendment baning the right of non-elected or non-governmental people, most likely appointed to the position , such as various state or local government people to perform a civil union.  In this plan, everyone would need to be in a civil union to get the exact same rights, state by state, as what we call marriage at this time.

Some of the “clergy” who can handle this massive and financial responsibility to the state and the national government are not even citizens of this country, and they have more power than a regular citizen. 

It would work just like divorce works, you haav to go the government and its rules to get a divorce and work out many things, including custody issues.

If marriage is the province of the religious and the clergy, then why don’t they have the power to handle a divorce?  And, why can a man and a woman, go out of state and into Las Vegas or Northern Maryland and get married within a hour by a justice of the peace.

If it is a truly spiritual event, then it doesn’t need the government to be in that part of it.  The two people can still get “married,” with all of its spiritual connotations. 

This way, the state, as laid out in the Constitution and a number of the amendments could stay out of the marriage business and handle the civil union part.  If Congress took a long look at how much all of this is costing them, they would pull out immediately.  Divorce is a legal issue, and, for some a spiritual issue.  But, to get a divorce one must go to the government, why not the church that married them?  So, they would be divorced as far as the the governments are concerned.  They would have to handle the spiritual part on their own, if they even wanted to since it would not be required.

So, civil union, which has the legal rights of what was called marriage, would be performed for those wanting the binding relationship and the tax perks that go with it; and marriage would be the duty of the couples church of their choice, allowing the church leader the power to perform the marriage or decide the couple is not ready.  Yet, they would still be in what we now call marriage. 

That is the only way we will get this to work and it will change one way or another.

I so hope and pray that this happens.  The country should not be in the marriage, a religious act, as they are now.  They should handle the spiritual portion of it.  For some, that would be enough, just their church, though the government would see them as single, as they do now to gay men and woman who have been in a loving and strong marriage for 15 year, 25 years, whatever.  They can get married via a church, but that clegy does not have the same rights of the other clergy.  So the government is deciding which religion is better for the people.

We have come far, and have so much farther to go.  But, thing will change.  They will have to, or this grand experiment of a Republic Democratic Center Government will fail.  Trust me, their are many ways that we may fail.

So much has gone on these past months that I can’t really choose a place to begin, at least not this evening.  Suffice it to say that my life doesn’t get dull, this time around I made it much less dull, and that was not a good thing.

But, I am here, with a thank you to Squarspace for getting my site back up and running, as my subscription had run out while I was in or between hospital or doctors.

Tonight must end early, I need to rest.  I can say that my long term disability insurance company came through and after reading through what my doctors and hospitals sent they cleared me for my coverage.  Now, I need to get the Social Security to make a decision.  I believe it will be approved, but one has to slow way, way, way down to the speed they seem to work.  My guess is that there are not enough staff for the amount of work that is present.  I applaud them for even being able to go to work when it must seem like they will never get enough completed. 

To all, enjoy tomorrow, have a very good week.  Life is good.