Lessons I Learn ...

discovery of self and the world

A bit more about me ...

First, this is not an ego trip via a blog, or two blogs in this case.

If you are at www.stephencarey.com, you will find some of the lessons I have learned and am still learning, as I first faced a six year battle with cancer, and now continue to deal with the severe chronic pain, plus the various surgeries and "procedures" to repair things damaged by the treatments which I chose in my effort to enter into remission.

In this six year battle with cancer, which is only now considered in remission, I was on a few rough chemo drugs, meaning I gave myself an injection every day for a year, then, four months on, three months off. Now, I take a more known chemo drug, but in pill form; one which I will be on for as long as I live. The amazing thing about this drug is that the bald head in the picture, of which I have never let bother me for even a moment, is now out of date, for it seems this drug grows baby hair on the top of the head. Then, the baby hair seems to give way to normal adult hair, which matches what was there a decade ago. Kind of cool, but not earth shattering, for I would give up the drug if I thought I could keep the cancer away.

If you happen to be on www.stephencarey.net, you will see that after bouncing around a bit, never sure of a true direction for the site, I have finally found that direction or course for the site. When I began the site it was really a series of random posts, they are good and noteworthy, but they do not tie things together; and, I prefer to tell stories. In this case I want to use this blog and its posts to examine the many voices which would still never be heard by the world, were it not for the Internet, the Web, and the growth of social tools.

The reason for these sites:

No, in no way does the world revolve around me, not even in my, at times, rather out of control id.

Yet, we (me) seem to want to share a bit about ourselves to the world. Actually, that statement is silly. There is no "world" to see this. It may be seen by a few friends and others as they sift through all of the silliness and seriousness which can be found on the Web. But, it is not the world. The many tribes in the Amazon region don't give one thought about any of this. Those not fortunate enough to even put food on the table do not care about this. Somehow, it seems to be a way to belong; and, for me, a way to stay connected through technology to the many new voices to which I have access. With that in mind, on www.stephencarey.com, I share my experiences with my fight with cancer and the extreme chronic pain, not for pity, but, to support anyone else who may be going through something similar in some form or fashion.

Also, I look for other takes on what I have chosen to write about. I love learning, and I am always open to listening and learning about the other side of issues which I may care about. That brings dialogue, and that brings education, and that brings a populace more likely to work with each other rather than against one another.

One last site:

Let's start at where we go to recharge after chemo, work, and just because we need to leave our home for our taste of heaven. Our place to relax is in Costa Rica. We saw it, and stopped looking at any other properties. For us, this is perfection. Take a look:

http://www.atriptoparadise.com Yes, there can be heaven on Earth.

All the best, and as you travel the Web, I wish you traveling mercies.

Lessons I learn: Discovery of self and the world by Stephen Carey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.stephencarey.com.

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Spirituality: Don't listen to anyone tell you that you don't have it in the form they prefer!

These past three months have been a bit extraordinary in the "tough on the body" part of life. In this time I have had two surgical procedures on one knee, and have spent over ten (10) days in hospital.

For me, this is not necessarily a unique series of events. It is just how my physical health has been going. The biggest issue remains the extreme chronic pain which four (4) - I just think that doing that with numbers makes this look much more important than it can possibly be - doctors have concluded that there is no case on record ( I don't know who actually keeps these records) of a person living with the pain level that is my "normal," without slipping into a coma or taking their own live. I can attest to the pain and how it is beyond belief despite the best in medical, both eastern and western, care.

For me to live my life as a relativity decent man, I must keep up with my spiritual life. That is what I live, that is who I am. And, in cases of having a run of a couple of bad months to add on to what already seems beyond comprehension takes a strong faith in my spiritual/philosophical life.

At my last stay in a hospital which is only about three (3) miles from here, I had a nurse, either trying to be kind or trying to show me she lived a better life than I did. And, at that moment, with my having tossed my cookies for three (3) days straight, who was I to argue. My life was mostly tossing empty cookie packaging into the wonderfully mauve colored pail which I hung onto as it it were a lifeline.

This nice nurse crossed a line when she told me that "spirituality" was really just a code word for those who were not Christian and still wanted people to think of them in a good light.

Between grasping my pail and making gross noises, I asked her how she knew that she was correct. I went on to say that I have never heard of any type of "God," "Allah," " Higher Power," actually have spoken on or written on anything called "religion."

I asked her, what is religion?

Who decides which of the hundreds or more of the religions is the correct one? Or, and this one through her a bit, was there only one correct one? To top it off I told her that I had known the bravest, most spiritual men and women who were atheists. I did not see living a spiritual life as having to do so under an approved religion.

I was aware of my spiritual self before I could talk, though, I could not verbalize what I felt. Then, one day, when I was about five (I am getting tired of writing the little numeral after the spelling of the word, okay?) years old. I used the word daemon and how my friend, my daemon had been with me forever. And, that my daemon had been chosen by me at some point before my first breath or the hospital air. He/it was not a God, god, or spirit, it was my guide to help take me through the spiritual life which I knew was mine only a few years after I uttered the word daemon.

I believe in Stoicism. It began to take off and really be understood around 350BC. It grew and developed, then, in the time that Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius was managing Rome, during the time frame of 161to 180 AD. This brave man develed deep into what it meant to be a Stoic and practice, Stoicism. It has grown in many ways these past few thousands of years.

It seems my nurse did not think I was being appreciative to her God for the wonderful care I had gotten in the past and that time. I explained that my insurance company had git the seven digits in dollars paid. I personally had spent over $500,000 of my own money, plus I had/have bills in excess of $115,000, And, that I felt it was my spiritual self that kept me going, even when doctors kept telling me I could not be alive.

The thing I noticed about that is while they felt I should be dead or in a coma, at the very least, I still should pay my copay to them at the beginning of our appointments.

This bit of rambling on spirituality is due to the fact that while I always understood what I believed, or thought I did, I still had so much more room for growth. And, maybe help other people find their spiritual self as I moved forward. I do NOT mean that these people found what I believe, but, that they found their spiritual self which for whatever reason had been locked away for much of their life. It is this type of thing, of exchange, of a chance to learn, which gives me the ability to stay semi-sane while in this horrid pain, but, with this wonderful spiritual life I have.

I hope that you have found yours, or, if looking, that you find whatever you believe is for you. You will recognize it, of that I am sure. Plus, the search is a lot of fun. I have found that it has taken me to a new reading level, one above posts such as this.

It is late I have two more doctor appointments in the morning. May your day be just what you hoped it would upon your awakening this morning.

Nov
15